Stick 'em Up
by Dave Harourt

Four horsemen dismounted and sauntered into the Aces High saloon and ordered a bottle of 'Forty Rod' and coffee all around. It was 8:30 AM. They flopped into chairs and poured a little 'sweetener' in their coffee. They didn't look like cowboys but not like any other identifiable occupation either. Three of them were young tall and rail thin, one was thicker and older. Thompson was wearing a shoulder holster under his coat. Neither Dixon nor Willard were heeled. Neither Yates or Thompson had tied down six shooters like gunfighters. Nor were they flashy dressed, no conches, big shiny belt buckles, fancy boots or pearl handle guns. They were all very plain looking bunch of men, nothing stood out.

There were five cowboys playing a slow quiet poker game. It looked like they had played all night. A couple of near empty whiskey bottles sat on the table. They were at the other end of the saloon and out of earshot.

"So yer saying cowpokes is stupid?" Dixon continued the conversation they were having as they rode in.

"Not exactly, I am saying that for the most part cowboys are ignorant. That's different than stupid. Do you know the difference?" Yates squinted as he asked.

"I suppose yer busting to tell me."

"Ignorant means not educated and stupid means incapable of learning. Why would an educated man ride hard all day, sleep on the ground, never get clean then get the worst pay of anyone."

"What I'm trying to figure is whether Yates is 'wiser than a tree full of owls' or just got you buffaloed," said Thompson.

"He sure as hell proved smart enough so far for me. Three banks, five stages and no law even got close," said Willard the older of the four.

"Well boys lets go over things for the last time." Yates looked at each one and said, "It is the same routine as last time. Willard will head out before we start, he will set up the ambuscade about a mile out in that grove of trees. Dixon goes next out to to that big rock about 400 yards.

"Thompson and I will tie off in front of the bank, we do our job and ride out. Dixon gives us room to run and Willard drops their horses. Dixon don't leave until Thompson and I are clear of Willard's location. The first change of horses is at the Sandoval ranch. They will be saddled and ready, just hop on and ride for the river."

"How far to the river?" asked Willard.

"Our horses and pack outfits are at the river which is about 80 miles from here and 50 miles from Sandoval's ranch Our horses are with those sheep herders. They promised to have everything ready to go at four exactly. I gave my watch to the old one so he better be on time," said Yates.


"It's a hell of a long way to Guymas," said Willard, " I'm thinking we earned a little rest before then."

"Let's argue that on the other side. Right now we have work to do," interrupted Yates.

"Willard it's a quarter of nine, time to go," said Yates. Willard arose, walked out, mounted up and rode south.

"We'll make Tucson a little poorer," said Dixon as he stood.

"Stay on your toes Dix, some fool may try to collect that $500 reward on your hide."

"Hell, they would pass on me and go for you or Thompson. Even cowboys can cipher enough to know $2000 is bigger than $500."

"Get going ya 'blatherskite', it's five minutes to nine now," said Thompson. Dixon walked out, mounted up and rode south.

The Poker game broke up and two cowboys staggered toward the front door. Three went to the bar.

The bartender carried the coffee pot to the table and said, "How about a little more to warm it up?"

All hell broke loose!

The bartender dumped the coffee in Thompson's lap. One of the poker players at the bar stuck a pistol in Yates ear. The two weaving for the door grabbed Thompson, one on each arm dragged him to the floor backwards in his chair. They each had pigging strings and had Thompson tied hand and foot in about 6 seconds. One in the style of a rodeo roper threw up his hands and hollered, "Did you see that judge?" he laughed out loud. "'Bloody Bill' Thompson ready fer brandin!"

Yates attempted to draw his pistol and a cowboy knocked him 'galley west' with his.

Dixon started his horse south at a walk so as to not attract attention as Yates had taught him. Two cowboys pulled up one on either side of Dixon. They each had their pistols pulled and pointed at Dixon. One gave Dixon a grin and said," 'Deadly Dave' Dixon make a sudden move and you will be fitted for a 'six by two'."

Willard set his shooting tripod down, pulled the 'big fifty' and leaned it against a tree. He started to lead his horse away so the noise would not be too bad for him. He only got a few steps when two cowboys stepped out of the brush pointing six shooters. " 'Sarge' Willard please don't move, I don't want to shoot you," said one who looked like a teenager. Soon they had Willard searched and tied on his horse.

"It was a good roundup a real 'daisy'. No one in the 'bone orchard' and we got them all," said Blinky Noren, one of the cowboys.

Lefty Neinheuser said, "We put a spoke in their wheel. What I want to know is where is all the dinero they stole?"

"Those horses have Sandoval's brand and Squint, 'Chony' and Jorge took off with the horses and talked about finding the horses that belong to the owl hoots," said Shaggy McDougal. "Why do they call Yates 'the Professor' ?"

"He was some sort of college teacher before he went bad, " said Blinky, I guess he is just a big 'flannel mouth'."

"I don't have a 'tail feather' left, can't even buy you boys a little 'coffin varnish'," said Lefty. "Reckon I could get a little credit here?"

"The banker across the street offer to loan us money until the rewards get here, he is plumb tickled with us cowpunchers for 'stomping his snakes' for him."

"That's as 'fine as cream gravy'. Let's get a jug of Kentucky's finest and live high on the hog for a spell," said Lefty.

"We get 'Tangle footed' on 'tarantula juice', we could put the 'whole kit and caboodle' 'up the spout'. We ride night herd on those 'owl hoots' so we best walk the straight and narrow."

"Well get some 'Arbuckle's' and let's square up."

Two days later all nine of the cowboys were together again. Squint and Chony were the acknowledged leaders. "The sheriff and his deputy are counting the money now," said Chony. "The deputy said there is some reward on the return of the loot so we get more than just the bounty on those scalawags.

"Looks likely that the total sum could be 8 or 9000 dollars, " said Squint.

"That's a lot of 'ballast', " said Lefty.

"That's near $900 fer each, ifen we give the bar dog about a months pay fer starting the ball," said Blinky.

"I ain't never had that much money in my life," said Lefty.

Jorge spoke for the first time, "We get their horses, how do we divide them? Mine is about crow bait, so I want one of them."

"Let's not divide them, let's keep them as common property we are in fine shape we have $2384 left from moving that herd to Montana. All we need to start a maverick roundup is a chuck wagon and a biscuit shooter."

"Get a biscuit roller who can make 'bear sign' and your aces with me," said Lefty.

They had contracted to take a herd of 2500 mixed long horns from San Antonio, Texas. to Roundup, Montana. The fee was $3000 for the nine cowboys as a group. They as a group had agreed to a plan to pool their money, use it to live on and gather another herd from the unclaimed thousands of cattle that roamed southern Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. They had an agreement with a Scottish rancher in Montana for 2500 head. That would earn them almost $30000. They had ranch plans of their own.

This plan was brutal work. Each cow and bull had to be heel and horn roped thrown and branded. This was not like calf branding. It took two ropers and strong horses. They then decided that they could hire some Vaqueros and brush poppers to help gather the herds since they now had money. They could take two herds to Montana. After a few more minutes of discussion they had their plan all worked out. They all shook hands to seal the deal"

"Those owl hoots sure are ignorant, we will get more out of this deal than they would have, and people's saying we are hero's."

"Why would an educated man ride hard day and night, sleep on the ground, never get clean, then go to jail for all his efforts? No they are stupid, Yates taught me the difference when we was night herding those 'mudsills' and what they did was stupid."