Swish!

Clara James' bustle fell to the floor, followed by her corset, and other intimate clothing. She stood bare-skinned and beautiful in the afternoon shadows.

Billy Bingo kicked off his boots, socks, pants, got tangled up in the bustle, tripped and fell.

His Colt pistol hit the floor and went off. The bullet embedded itself in the wall a foot from Clara's beautiful blue eyes.

"Whoops!" Billy fell into Clara's arms onto the bed.

"You've got to learn how to handle that big iron," Clara whimpered.

"I never was good with a gun, but I'm an expert lover."

A big fist banged against the door. "Open up! We heard gunfire."

Billy kicked their clothes under the bed. He pushed Clara into a corner, wedged his rifle into

the corner walls creating a temporary curtain rod. He strapped on his gun belt, threw the bed sheet over the rifle, making a cover for Clara to hide behind.

The knock grew louder. "Open up, or we're coming in."

"Hold your horses, ya damn Jack Wagon, I'm coming," Billy drew a bull's-eye with lipstick around the bullet hole. Then he opened the door.

Sheriff Chad Davis stormed in, followed by rancher, Red James.

"What the hell is going on?" Chad demanded. "We heard a gun shot."

"Just practicing my quick draw," Billy bragged.

"Hell, you're naked! Are you loco?" Red stuttered.

"You hit the bull's-eye," Chad said, as he admired the bullet hole.

"That's not all I hit. I found Red's stolen cattle herd."

Chad whistled. He looked at the ceiling, not wanting to see Billy in his naked glory.

"Where are they?" Red demanded.

"In the Black Rock Canyon, near Red Mesa. They're all your brands. I have two men watching them and have arrested the four rustlers. They confessed and rolled over on the leader of the rustling gang," Billy replied.

Red stepped towards the door, pulling his gun out of his holster.

Chad reached for his gun.

"Hands up! Both of you," Red said, putting the Smith & Weston against the sheriff's chest. "My perfect plan! You ruined it! I rustled my neighbor's cattle, blamed it on each of them, changed the brands, and started a range war. When the fighting was finished, I would have owned all their ranches and the whole Macksville Valley."

"Really? I thought it was Jonas Black," Billy asked, looking a little confused.

"Get your hands up, Billy," Red snarled.

Billy, who was still holding his gun belt, raised both hands. His gun belt slid down, the Colt hitting the floor.

"BANG!"

The gun shot was deafening. The bullet shattered the window.

Billy fell, tangled in his gun belt.

Chad drew his Colt and bashed Red in the head, knocking him silly. Red's pistol slid across the floor.

Billy reached under the bed, grabbed Clara's corset, threw it over Red's head, jerked the laces, wrapping them around Red's body and pinning his arms. He made a knot like he was tying a steer's legs.

Billy stood, his foot holding Red to the floor. "So, you're the rustler Kingpin after all!"

"You are under arrest for cattle rustling, Red. You will hang for this," boomed Sheriff Davis.

"Billy, who the hell are you?" One of Red's eyes was glaring through the corsets' laces.

"Bingo, Billy Bingo!" Billy smirked.

Billy grabbed the bed sheet for balance. It fell to the floor uncovering the luscious Clara in all her bare-skinned splendor.

"Clara!" Red sputtered. "Clara is my wife!"

"Miss Clara! Damn, you're married? I thought you were Red's sister," said the sheriff, tipping his hat to Miss Clara.

"Sheriff, excuse us. I'll be down in about two hours for the five-thousand dollar reward. You'll remember my name?" Billy demanded.

"Billy Bingo! Bounty hunter and detective, it's an honor," the sheriff said, nodding his head.

The door slammed shut behind Sheriff Chad as he ushered Red to jail.

Clara kissed Billy soundly.

"Billy, my Uncle Hollis will make good on the $1,000 reward for his cattle, and the other ranchers' rewards, too."

"What about the reward you're offering?" Billy whispered, as their lips blended together.

Two hours later.

"Billy Bingo, you're amazing. Stay with me and help me run the ranch. I'll make you a happy man. I love you, Billy Bingo!" Clara pleaded.

"Do you love me for my crooked grin or the scar on my chin?"

"No!" Clara giggled.

"Do you love me for my straw-colored-hair or my steely-gray-eyed stare?" Billy posed, staring at Clara.

"No!" She smiled as she ran her toes along his arm.

"Is it 'cause I'm tall and thin or because I'm the best lover there's ever been?"

Clara pulled him back in bed.

"I love you 'cause you're a bounty hunter and good in bed. But, I really love you 'cause you got rid of Red." Her lips found his for the third time. She sighed. "I'm lying. I love you 'cause you like to spoon. I love you 'cause you make me swoon." She crawled up to straddle her lover. "I love you 'cause you've got lots of powers. Truthfully, I've never met a man who could last for two hours. Billy, Billy Bingo," she moaned.

"Bingo!" he yelled.

"You're a winner, Billy. You're even better than Sheriff Chad."

"Hmmm, I thought that lawman had your number. How'd that happen?" Billy asked tossing her back on the bed.

"Red used to be on the sheriff's posse. One day, Red galloped off to join the posse leaving me and our pussy cat, Precious, on the porch. A few minutes later, Sheriff Chad came riding up. He asked, "Sis, have you seen my posse?" I thought he said pussy and I replied, "No, have you seen mine?" Clara giggled, "I pointed at Precious, my pussy cat. The next thing I knew, we were in the bedroom doing show and don't tell."

"How was the man with a silver star?" Billy asked.

"He was the best! Until I met you, Billy Bingo!" Clara smiled.

Sheriff Chad Davis went to the Macksville Valley Bank and made arrangements for eight thousand dollars reward money to be put in Billy Bingo's account. When Billy dropped by The Sheriff's office, Chad said, "Billy, here is a poster on Bart Clemens, they call him Big Bart. There is a thousand dollar reward on his head and five hundred each on his two brothers, Little Jim and Twister Clemens. Bart boasts he has killed twenty men. Jim is an expert tracker and Twister is meaner than a rattlesnake."

"I'll bring them in, Sheriff," Billy bragged.

"Dead or alive!" Chad grinned.

Secretly, Chad thought: if you get them it'll help me. If they get you, Billy, it'll help me with Miss Clara. I may be a little slow, but I think, she and Billy were up to no good in his room for two hours.

"Big Bart's gang has been spotted at Platte City where they robbed the bank and killed the sheriff. It's a four-day ride," Billy said.

"Good luck, Billy Bingo." The Sheriff said, thinking, for eight days Billy will be gone.

Billy mounted his horse and the saddle fell off. His horse, Butter, looked down at him and nickered.

Billy slapped the dust off his chaps. "Help me with this saddle, Sheriff. I never get the straps right."

Clara was waving from the hotel window as Billy rode out of town.

Billy waved. He looked back to see the sheriff waving. Dumb smuck, Clara's waving at me, he thought.

The Sheriff waved. He saw Billy waving, too. He thought Billy Bingo has collected his last reward from Miss Clara. A man who can straddle a woman, but can't even saddle a horse, shouldn't trust another man to saddle it for him.

Billy rode West. Sunsets turned into sunrises. The Platte River was plentiful with fish, and berries on the river banks. Billy made snares and caught rabbits for supper.

He discovered an Indian strapped naked to a tree. Someone had made cuts in the tree to release sticky sap. It covered the Indian's body. Ants, flies, and bugs of all kinds, were feasting on the sap and the Indian.

Billy cut him free. The brave collapsed, unconscious. Billy rolled him into the river and with soap from Macksville, scrubbed him down.

"I lost a challenge. I was sentenced to die a painful death," The Indian spoke after recovering. "I'm called Little Hawk."

Little Hawk was soon quenching his thirst by drinking from the river.

Billy, who had stripped off his clothes to avoid getting sap on them, scrubbed himself in the river, after his invigorating rescue and scrubbing of Little Hawk.

Billy's horse, Butter, whinnied as three riders, holsters low on their hips, guns drawn, stopped to let their horses drink. Two blonde-haired women were tied to the back of pack mules, trailed behind the three outlaws.

Billy eyed his Colt lying fifty feet away. He smiled. "You must be Big Bart." He nodded to the smallest outlaw, who must be Little Jim Clemens.

"I'm Big Bart," The outlaw leader said, puzzled by the stranger's remark.

"I thought you would be smaller," Billy said.

"Huh?" Big Bart grunted.

"I'm the Platte River Kid," Billy said. "This is my special friend, Two Dogs Knotted. We have come to join your gang."

"We don't need any help." Twister Clemons said.

"You will need me to help you rob the mining camp," Billy said. "They have been panning for gold for a year and have a fortune stashed. Their camp is two hours east of here. You probably should keep Two Dogs Knotted alive. He's a great hunter, cook, and an expert lover."

"How did you get the name, Two Dogs Knotted?" Bart asked Little Hawk.

Billy said. "It's an Indian custom. His Father named his children at their birth after the first thing he saw. His sister is Running Deer. His brother is Angry Bear." Pointing at Little Hawk, he said, "He is Two Dogs Knotted."

Bart roared with laughter.

"An expert lover?" The Indian frowned. "I speak white man's language and —"

Billy kissed him.

Bart shuffled. "Stop that!"

Billy grinned. "I'll be your huckleberry."

Bart pointed his gun at Billy. "What about the gold?"

Billy stepped out of the river.

Twister Clemens whistled. "You're skinny as a rail and have the butt of a nine year-old."

Billy winked at the two women, who actually blushed.

"Get out of the river, Two Dogs Knotted! Don't be shy. The water is not that cold. We're part of Big Bart's gang now. We got gold to steal and whiskey to drink. What's the deal, Bart? Me and Dog, sixty. You boys, forty!"

Bart's gun bucked. Dirt flew by Billy's foot.

"You think I'm a fool? Two minutes ago, I was going to kill you and this queer injun."

Two Dogs Knotted started to speak. Billy gave a smooch sound and Dog shut up.

"Kill us and no gold," Billy smirked. "Seventy, for us. Thirty for you, that's my last offer."

"That's more like it. Get dressed and let's ride," Bart gloated.

That night after they made camp. Twister and Little Jim scouted the miner's camp.

Billy, aka 'The Platte River Kid,' cut the women loose.

They ran.

"Why did you let them go?" Bart screamed.

Billy shouted, "They'll come back or the rattlesnakes and wolves will get them."

The two women came stomping back into camp.

"I know they make better coffee and cook better than Twister." Billy said. "Tomorrow, we hit the mining camp."

They ate the rabbit Billy had snared and ravaged the trout he had speared.

The next morning, Twister Clemens was gone. Little Jim retched at the river's edge.

Big Bart paced back and forth

"Little Jim, What is going on?" Bart demanded.

"Little Jim is sick from the horse hair the women put in the fire and mixed in his coffee," Billy announced. "I unloaded Twister's gun while he was sleeping. Then, I put wolf urine from a female wolf in heat all over his clothes. Five wolves have him up a tree down river."

Billy showed his badge.

"Bart, you are under arrest for the murder of the Platte City sheriff."

Bart drew his twin Colts. They slipped from his hands. He tried to pick them up, but couldn't get a grip.

"Hold it right there!" A strange voice commanded.

Bart looked up.

Ten miners had rifles trained on Bart.

Two Dogs Knotted tied the retching Twister to a tree.

Two prospectors led Little Jim into camp.

"My guns! What did you do to them?" Big Bart screamed.

"Rabbit grease makes them too slick to handle."

The two blonde captives sandwiched Billy in an embrace.

"Platte River Kid, my eye, who are you?" Big Bart yelled.

The two captives, Grace and Kate, sighed. "Bingo! Billy Bingo!"

"You slept with my prisoners?" Bart whined.

Billy drew an imaginary gun. He pointed his finger at Bart. "Bingo!"

"I guess you're after the bounty on my head, Billy Bingo?" Big Bart scrowled. "I'd bet you're going to turn us over to Sheriff Chad Davis. Well, you fouled my plans, got my women, but there's one thing you'll never get, Billy Bingo."

"What's that, Big Bart?" Billy asked.

"My sweetheart, who lives near Sheriff Chad's town, rancher Red James's sister, Miss Clara is her name. She's sweet, she's innocent, and she'll be true to me forever so she can be my bride," Bart yelled, as he broke loose, ran and jumped on Butter, Billy's horse. He jumped into the saddle and slapped the reins, and said, "Git-e-up!"

The saddle fell off and Bart cursed, looking up at Billy from the ground.

"Bingo!" Billy Bingo said. "Here's a little piece of advice for you, Little Bart. Never let anyone saddle your horse after you've straddled his woman for two hours."

"Huh?" Big Bart grunted.

"Strap that saddle back on Butter, Little Hawk, then let's hit the trail," Billy said.

They herded the prisoners toward town to collect the reward money and get a little honey.

Billy Bingo's voice rang out loud and strong.

"Moving, moving, moving, keep them outlaws moving.

I always get my bounty 'cause there's one on every head.

I always get my bootie, 'cause there's one in every bed.

Riding with Dog and Butter, I make the outlaws shudder.

Got a gal in every town. I always shoot the bad men down.

I'm known high or low, wild as the winds that blow,

Just say my name and they'll know, I'm Billy Bingo!

Bounty hunter, Detective, Extraordinaire!"